Flops & Tops - Flops

The first half of '09 was littered with bad movies. I was generally disappointed with a good majority but that was maybe because I had high expectations for alot of them.

To kick off the list of the bad movies, we have Bride Wars., starring the adorable Anne Hathaway and fiery Kate Hudson. Personally I though the movie would be pretty darn good given the two female leads are reigning starlets. But it just kept going on from bad to worst. Fortunately the movie had a much better ending and sort of made it worth sitting through the whole thing.
Slasher flicks have never been a personal favorite of mine. I just can't stand the gross spurting of blood and body parts being chopped. It is a huge injustice to anatomy. Unfortunately we were presented with a slasher right at the beginning of the year, My Bloody Valentine.

Jensen Ackles, popularly known for playing Dean Winchester in the CW TV Series, Supernatural, took the lead for the movie. There was a good twist in the end and as usual the psycho-killer survived, which means a sequel is due. Given how the first one was, I don't have high expectations for it.

As far as I can re-call ever since Harry Potter burst into the movie scene, it's been a general trend to turn every novel series that went successful with the audience into a movie. This year we started that trend with Inkheart. The lead provided by the hero of Mummy, Brendan Fraser. It also features Paul Bettany, Jim Broadbent. I read the novel after watching the movie. Now I don't normally do this but the movie had left several blanks in my head. Not wanting to watch the movie again, I picked up the book which led further negativity towards the movie in my eyes.

Another horror psycho-killer that came abit later was The Uninvited. The movie's story-line was sort of predictable to tell the truth. But I did like how they had captured it. I didn't see any recognizable faces in the cast but they all seemed to have done it to the best they could. On an average, I would rate it 5.

The Sci-Fi thriller, Push burst into the scene. This was a movie that I was honestly looking forward to. With actors like Dakota Fanning and Chris Evans in the cast, I expected this movie to go high. The plot though very interesting seemed as if was thought up of quickly and once again fell short at alot of places. In my opinion, the story-line would have adopted better had it been used on the TV rather than a reel. The first half of the movie is really nothing. It's the last 30 minutes that actually make the viewer cling to their seat. 7 out of 10, but I'm being generous.

Evans, having previously played the Human Torch on the two Fantastic Four movies, I thought he would be extremely well suited for the role. But there was something missing. I guess a brooding character doesn't settle with his boyish appearance. Fannings as always did an amazing job with her character and was most definitely the a very interesting character. She's a real prodigy no doubt.

Jason Chronicles have been done to death. This time served up as Friday the 13th. Having been around for as long as I can remember and there is nothing more that can be done about him. The movies always follow the same lines. He witnesses some brutal incidence, goes wild with rage killing everything that moves on two legs. Everyone in the movie dies, except for the lead male and female. One of the two surviving character manage to kill Jason, but only to have him come again.

Ironically while Jensen appeared as the villian in the earlier slasher thriller released this year, Jared Padalecki, the other half of the TV Series Supernatural, plays the leading man this time. Weird, no?!

Question; Why are movies plotted around college scenes are so popular?                                   Answer; High School Cliches, weird teachers, hot cheerleaders and lots of pent-up unmentionable highly objectionable energy.                               This year we had Fired Up. Starring Nicholas D'Agosto and Eric Christian Olsen. The humor is good and timing is right, however the plot is weak. You see it once and laugh it off, but you don't go for seconds.

Madea Goes to Jail was just destined for failure and doom. There have been numerous movies that seem to believe that they would be the next Dr. Do-Little and employ a certain actor donning multiple characters. Much like Fired Up, you don't go back for seconds.                                                      Honestly speaking, I couldn't sit through half of it.

The Fast & Furious series have been around for like the last eight years. This year we witnessed the fourth installment.                                        The previous installment released in 2006, Fast & Furious; Tokyo Drift bombed badly. This time around they decided to play up to their best strength and bought back Vin Diesel along with Paul Walker.                                                       The movie is good, however there are a three main story-lines mixed, the third lead being played by Jordana Brewster. The plot lines tend to get too mixed up at times, the movie could have been a little more planned. There are still a dozen of car chases in wide open spaces. Enjoy if your a fan!

Next up is Hannah Montana; the Movie. OMG! Seriously?! :p I won't lie. As much as I'm mega-embarrassed to say this but I'm a huge fan of the Hannah Montana TV Series. So when I got the news of a movie in process and it being formulated by Disney I knew we were in for uber-cheesiness. Still my praise for Miley's acting (Note; I said acting and not singing, I have never been a fan of her singing and if I continue to be sane, I won't ever be one) I went ahead with the movie.                                                                 The plot has been done to death. Once a farm girl made her way to fame, fortune and success. Has now forgotten the simpler life and gotten addicted to the fast life. On a weekend retreat, finds where her heart truly lies and what her priorities should be. And then using her awesome fame 'powers' she saves her farmland. Cool, na?                                                                                                         No!

When Zac Efron said he's going to taking more mature roles after the High School Musical Series, where do we find him?                                          In another movie, 17 Again, is based around the high school runs of an every-day teenagers. Being the very coveted golden boy during his high school days has his life turned upside down in a moment of a hasty decision. At the present scene, Matthew Perry (Didn't I mention him earlier? ) now leads a pathetic life where his whole family hates him.       By magic, he manages to become seventeen again (Hence the title, Genius!) but this time round, it's still 2009. So he attends the same school as his children and does what is best for them. The idea though enriching could have been abit more mature. Four out of ten!

Beyonce once again makes her way to Big Screen with a crime thriller, this time round in the movie Obsessed. Appearing along side her are Ali Lanter and Idris Elba.                                                 Once again the movie is flat. Though Beyonce really doesn't do a thing for me this time round, Ali is simply amazing.                                          Having played the multi-personality assassin and conspirator in Heroes, scheming seems to come natural to her. The only word I can use for her is exquisite and the only good thing in the whole movie.

One of the biggest disappointment of this year was the flick, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Although it has two of my favorite actors of all time, the style icon Matthew McConaughey and the ultra-sexy Jennifer Garner. McConaughey plays the ultimate womanizer who doesn't notice the girl who's heart he has repeatedly broken over the years when he couldn't say the words Garner wants to hear. Though littered with cliche hilarious moments, the movie never really gain any steam. Complete failure!

When the X-Men movie was announced, one of the roles everyone was looking forward to see who would be cast in was the rabid no nonsense Wolverine. Hugh Jackman had some serious boots to fill and he did a remarkable job. Though the second and third part didn't reach the same success as the first one, Jackman was constantly praised for his uncanny acting.                                                              The only logical step after the third movie where four major characters witnessed their demise. It was only logical to pick up the most popular character off the line-up and put it under the solo act. And that was where the era of Wolverine began. Unfortunately Wolverine completely fell flat for me. I had huge expectations and I didn't get much of what I wanted. The biggest mistake that was made in my opinion was the casting of Gambit. I would have been much more satisfied had they picked up someone like James Franco or Johnny Depp for that part.

If you happen to be looking for a campy, lame, down right atrocious horror movie then we had a steller one this year. Drag Me To Hell has got to be the biggest summer flop ever. I can't say much on it because there really isn't much to say. It's pure unadulterated mush!

Another summer flop was the highly anticipated sequel to the 2007 mega-hit Transformer 2; Revenge of the Fallen. Now this movie had me so pumped up through out the entire summer. I happened to be in States when it was released and I was there to catch it on the second day of it's release. For a movie that I put so much effort in seeing, it didn't amaze me much. It seemed as if they had taken all the things that we loved in Transformers Part One and amplified it in Part Two. Expect more geekiness from Shia LeBouf, more hotness from Megan Fox and alot more fighting from the machines. If your a fan by all means, you have my blessings!

As mentioned earlier, not all great books can be made into great movies. No exception to this rule was the summer slated release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Though the cast has obviously grown older and developed their acting skills really well. The older cast out-shine them. Though Emma Watson portrayal of Hermione Granger is once again the highlight of the movie, majority of it didn't work for me.                        One a better note, this would be final time I would be witnessing the horrible rendition of Sir Michael Gambon as Dumbledore.

Another summer release that bombed was the Hayden Panettiere starring comdey flick I Love You, Beth Cooper. It was a complete snore fest honestly speaking. At most of the part, the cast seemed confused and nervous. There was also a certain level of lack in the finesse of the final product. Hayden who has always annoyed me ever since her appearance as the ever-healing cheer leader in the TV Series Heroes once again manages to pull it off really well. Wouldn't advise it to my worst enemy!

When Transformers 2 fell down I had not entirely lost my hope on movie based upon comics. But after I saw G.I. Joe; The Rise Of Cobra I had no option but to surrender. While the movie gets 10 out of 10 from me on the cinematic and special effect category, it fails on the story-line department. I have been a huge fan of G.I. Joe ever since my cousin introduced them to me sometime back in 1996. So when I got news about the movie I was pretty excited. The line-up of cast was amazing but unfortunately the lacked chemistry. Besides the earlier stated, Sienna Miller in a leather suit! Forget the popcorn I'll feast on her!

Besides Scream and the Jason Chronicles, another movie series that has been done to death is Final Destination. Not only the plot seems mega-predictable after all this time, it seems that the makers don't realize it and believe that the audience will buy anything they put on the big screen. There is really nothing I can say except tell you not to watch it. You'll only be wasting precious time!

The world can never have enough of psycho/slasher thrillers! Or so the big wheels behind the movie industry tend to believe. This time basing the plot around a sorority, the movie is titled Sorority Row, which only lead to one thing. Loads and loads of screaming, eventually murdered girls!                                                  The movie is an absolute mess and honestly, just by the reading the name, I knew what I was in store for. But being the douche bag, I tend to be at times. I went along to see it. The acting is convincing enough and most of them look completely whacked out most of the time. The movie is absolutely useless!

Question; Who's the hottest man-eater ever?                                                            Answer; Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body. Truly speaking I didn't have much expectation from this movie and the sole reason I watch it was because my friend who thinks Megan Fox is the hottest girl alive (Note; He also supports mud wrestling and open bath houses). So when I sat down to watch it, I had two things in mind. Firstly munch on as many popcorn as possible and secondly, not to let my friend get too close to the screen. A fame ritual gone wrong transforms an every-day all-so-popular high-school girl into a man eating demon. The funny thing is that the ritual goes wrong because their sacrifice aka Megan Fox isn't a virgin. Honestly I had a riot of a time laughing over this little bit.

Though Megan has done an amazing job with her character and at times did give me the heeby-jeebies, I can't deny the lack of commitment in the vast majority of the cast. If your a Megan fan, then watch it. But then if you are one, you probably would have. Bon appetit!

With just two months short of the new year, the movie industry gained momentum like crazy with many good if not great flicks. They had seriously saved the best for the last. I'll be posting about them soon or maybe tomorrow!

 Copyright © Saad Khan 2009 (Karachi, Pakistan; saadkhalidkhan@gmail.com)